003. like a cat

[hanabee]

[Rinne had mentioned once that Takasugi was prone to falling asleep on the couch, and ever since, Niki's made it a point to take a peek into the living room every time he passes by. There isn't always an opportunity to stop, of course—if he's on his way out to work, or in the middle of cleaning, he usually wouldn't bother him, letting him rest while he goes about his business. He certainly doesn't have a problem with him being there. It's just... there's something that's been on his mind for a while...

"Shinsaku looks like a cat," Rinne had explained to him. "But he's more like a dog, you know? So when you see him chillin', don't be shy."

Today, Niki's just come back from his shift, so right now, he has time. That means when he catches sight of Takasugi seemingly asleep on the couch, Niki quietly sneaks over to get a closer look.]

Comments

[takasugi]

Are you worried that I'm going to up and leave on my own? Because I'm not exactly the best at sailing. In fact, I got pretty seasick the last time I was on a vessel that traveled overseas. But I have been thinking about it... about how we can't stay here forever under this oppressed regime of theirs, and how we might be better off leaving for somewhere else, as fantastical as that sounds.

( fantastical in the sense of what it might do to their bodies, as takasugi isn't sure yet. there are more questions than answers at this point. )

Karteria is limited in what it can do for us as idols, and even for you as a chef. Wouldn't you like to explore the cuisines of other places beyond here? To nations that have never tasted your cooking... worlds, maybe. I'm not entirely sure what I'm getting at here just yet, but...

( one of his ears flicks. it lays flat atop his head despite the way he sits with shoulders unmoving, every word off his tongue insistent. )

I want to keep our lives interesting, but I won't leave the two of you behind.

[hanabee]

Honestly, I was starting to think you were getting bored of us.

[It's a bit of a tease—at this point, "getting bored" probably isn't much of an option, given their bond. Still, for as much as Niki doesn't think too hard about who or what Takasugi is, it's not lost on him, either, that Takasugi is someone historically significant, and Rinne and Niki are just... a couple of guys.

Well, to Niki, Takasugi is just some guy, too, really. No matter what happened in life, he's still just a person with a heart and feelings. He, too, is just human.]

Um, you don't have to convince me or anything. [Takasugi's justification makes it sound like he thought Niki would be against it. That's understandable, but...] I mean, I'm definitely excited to learn more about what people eat here. I always wanna try new things. But I wouldn't wanna go anywhere without you guys, either. We have to look out for each other.

[There was Takasugi's condition, but he also protected them, too. And Rinne... Rinne wasn't the type of person to sit still. If there was a way he could improve their situation, even just a little bit, he would try to do it, so...

But then again, regardless of the circumstances or outcome, Niki would follow him anywhere. As long as he was with Rinne, then anything would be fine.]

I'm pretty good at handling sensitive stomachs, so, actually, it kinda sounds like you need me.

[takasugi]

I'm the one who gets to decide whether I'm bored or not.

( and it is a tease, but that doesn't erase the slightly irritated sulk in his tone.

maybe it's just the leftover fatigue, and maybe it's because he knows he was never supposed to be a permanent fixture, but. his claws scratch into the back of the clipboard in an attempt to erase his discontent with all the things he's doing that a servant was never meant to. the living need a push to make their future bright. they didn't need the dead clinging to them all the time with dreams of their own, even for as much fun as takasugi was having discovering new aims as a product of their singing. )

But it's true. You'd be the most valuable member of our voyage, actually. Neither of you would have to learn how to read a compass or the stars, but meals that are easy to eat in the rolling sea are crucial, let alone knowing what we should rely on to keep our stamina up. That's not my area of expertise, keeping track of all those little details. So.

I'll take care of steering, you handle food prep, and Amagi-kun.... can be support.

[hanabee]

[Truthfully, Niki wonders if Rinne wouldn't end up getting seasick, too... But there's no reason to bring up Rinne's constitution, so he won't. That's a future them problem, if it ever even ends up being one.]

Actually, I can read a compass just fine. It could lead me to food, after all~♪. [That's not how that works?! He also wonders if Rinne can't read the stars, too... But then again, even if he could, he'd probably avoid it unless he absolutely had to. But really, either way:] I'd be more than happy to leave all the complicated stuff to you, though. The less I have to work, the happier my stomach will be.

[This isn't reassuring at all! At this point, though, Niki lifts a hand up to gently scratch behind one of Takasugi's ears, just at the base of it, where his fur meets his hair.]

What do you think we're gonna find?

[takasugi]

( oh. that's... good, whatever he's doing. scritching him behind the ear. it doesn't catch him off guard in the sense that it's sensual, but it's nice.

takasugi tilts his head back to lean into every press of nail just so, exhaling slowly through his nose. he even waits for it. )

All sorts of things, I hope. Mermaids. Sea creatures the like of which would tear a boat apart. The only time I’ve actually traveled outside of a dream or a simulation was when the province gave me the chance to witness what was happening in Shanghai.

( more realistically, though... )

Somewhere that isn't this world, where the two of you will be safer. As much as I would've liked to fix this place, my priority is doing what's best for what I care about. You can't thrive in this place that's meant to tear you down, and I’m not just talking about our bodies; the radiation on this planet will keep deteriorating, and if that happens, none of our dreams will come true. At first, I thought the coast was too risky to navigate, but over time, it’s become easier to turn my thoughts and abilities to reality again.

( it goes against his original purpose, doing this. but that's fine. he's always been one to do things his way. )

[hanabee]

[Oh, it feels like he's leaning into it... Hehe. That's so cute. So even someone like Takasugi can't resist!

As he thinks that, he listens to what he says. He thinks he's kind of starting to understand how a person like this managed to bring change to the country they came from. At the very least, it probably takes someone like this... A person with dreams and imagination and passion. As someone who doesn't really have those things, hearing Takasugi talk like this is a little refreshing.]

You really think we can go somewhere else? [There's a certain implication in his words...] Like, another world?

[Technically, the fact that they were here meant it was possible, so Niki doesn't doubt that. But did he really think he could achieve that?]

I wonder if a place like that really exists. [Somewhere safer... That does sound nice.] I wouldn't mind it, though. Honestly, I don't really care where we end up, as long as we're together. That's all that really matters to me.

[takasugi]

( it might not exist, really. humanity is bound to repeat their idiocy no matter the realm. the clipboard sits on the arm rest, takasugi tousling the fur of his tail a bit. )

Would you, now.

( a pause, as if he needs to weigh the coming words properly. his tone is light. )

But would you give up a part of yourself to make that pipe dream real?

[hanabee]

Nahaha... That makes it sound like there are parts of me that shouldn't change. Honestly, I'm pretty sure God could afford to start all over with me.

[He answers maybe a little too easily. He can't think of a single part of himself that he would be afraid to lose. Even his ability to cook was built upon necessity, a solution to a problem he'd probably have to deal with for the rest of his life. It is a little scary to think about that happening—it's the only part of him that he sees any value in—but even then...

He shrugs lightly, continuing to scratch his ears.]

I promised myself a long time ago that I would take care of Rinne-kun no matter what, so... yeah, I guess so. I'd do anything to make sure he always has a place to come home to and a nice, warm meal.

[takasugi]

( niki agrees so readily, and... he isn't sure he likes a portion of that answer. )

Turn around.

( a command with an urgency behind it, takasugi's tail rolling across fabric as he rearranges his seated position to be facing niki instead. sorry. niki literally just gained some privileges, and yet. )

[hanabee]

[Niki doesn't try to fight back when Takasugi starts shifting his position, his cute, fluffy ears escaping his touch, but he hesitates to do what he asks.]

Um, why do I get the feeling that I'm in trouble all of a sudden...?

[But slowly, he turns around, and... braces himself!]

[takasugi]

Because you are.

( only instead of punishment, a hand comes up to rest firm atop the back of niki's head. it's always astonishing that they're the same height, takasugi thinks, where it often seems to be diminished by takasugi's demanding attitude. here, he threads his claws idly throught stray strands of grey, carefully drawing his palm closer to the soft of niki's ear.

to, you know. start stroking the fine edge of it, of course. it's a form of payback only they can enact. )

You do realize that giving up a part of what makes you you wouldn't exactly make him happy, right? Though I'm more irritated with how easy it is for you to treat your whole personality like a mistake.

( and for all he asked out of curiosity, the only one who should be making a sacrifice that serious is the dead. he won't let them lose themselves if he can help it, takasugi's brows furrowing for the thought of it.

his claws press lightly into the thin of niki's ear, teasing the edge of it. )

[hanabee]

[The second Niki feels him touch his head, he flinches. Really, he's kind of surprised he didn't hit him! Even if Takasugi's never actually done that to him. But then, Takasugi starts to touch his ear, which sends a shiver through his body and... elicits a laugh.]

S-stop, that tickles! [He lifts a hand as if to stop him, but like... he kind of likes the attention. And it kind of makes him feel warm. So he doesn't actually try to stop him.] Was that a trick question or something? You know I'm not very smart, Prez!

[He was just being honest! He thought that's what he wanted! Maybe he should have just lied... But there is warmth in this gesture, and in his words, so Niki's kind of glad that he didn't.

These two...]

I am a difficult person, though. I think a lot of people's lives would be easier if I wasn't the way I was. [Rinne, the other bees, the other idols, his family... Even his own life would be easier for him.] But... ahaha, thanks. If you like me enough this way, then I'll try not to change too much.

[takasugi]

( he doesn't expect niki to flinch like that. it makes sense, given the back-and-forth banter he has with amagi rinne all the time, and yet. takasugi didn't flinch even when he knew a hit was coming, and for all he had never... well, besides that one time he threw that fork without warning... he had never hit niki directly. the darker urges in takasugi would simply ignore him if he were actually upset to a greater degree. they would put fire on his tongue and the smirk of a predator he never uses.

because niki always speaks so easily of his forever, and deep down, takasugi would love to take it. he's only realized that terrifying fact lately, while they're all together.

so he buries it. buries it with gentle scritches of his own, keeping it concealed somewhere between his ribs. no one needs to know that. he has other desires to focus on. )

Maybe it was a trick question. ( it was. ) But really, I'm genuinely just probing your brain. That besides, if you're sure that I like you, then wouldn't it end up hurting me too? ... Anyway. It's fine as long as you understand. I’ll stop going on about the “what ifs” regarding who might lose what, because realistically, none of us will. The outside source I'm thinking of using to fuel our journey across different layers of reality is related to my memories is all. If my totally crazy plan succeeds, ... I won't be able to hear him anymore.

( a couple more pets, takasugi as careful as one might be when pressing fingers against a baby animal's fur... until he starts tousling that ear and the hair atop niki's head. )

[hanabee]

[The gentle teasing starts to get a little more fierce, but it just makes Niki laugh more. It's probably thanks to the imprint that this still tickles even when he gets rougher, but more importantly... Is this supposed to be a distraction?!]

Wait, wait, wait, just a second! [This time, through his laughs, he does actually try to reach for Takasugi's hand, though it's a very loose attempt at resistance.] What do you mean?

[Maybe he should just pretend that he didn't hear it. It feels like something that maybe he wasn't meant to hear. But given what they're talking about...]

You said no one will have to lose anything, but it kind of sounds like you will.

[takasugi]

Not exactly. I won't lose anything of my actual person, or my memories.

( the teasing pauses, niki's hand finding its aim. )

I'm sure Amagi-kun told you I wished one of my creations here, Proto-Arahabaki. Only it came with an unexpected twist, and it...

( it stretches his heart so much to hear him. to think he's in there, somewhere, a consciousness thumping beneath metal. he tries not to think about it, nor the reminder that death is real and it came for them in completely different circumstances.

takasugi leans his shoulder into the back cushion of the couch. how did amagi-kun make this simple to explain that one time? )

Imagine you have one of those trendy flatbread pizzas that are all the rage now. You find out you really, really love it with mushrooms, but your best companion is allergic. So, you choose to remove them and go without for their sake. Or, your sake. The both of you.

[hanabee]

I think I get it. [Niki nods in understanding. He lets go of his hand.] So you really, really like mushrooms, huh?

[He turns back around here. While Niki doesn't actually know what "mushrooms" are to Takasugi right now, this feels like something that's important to say to his face.]

I think it would be really thoughtful of you to go without mushrooms just because we can't have them. But, you know, if it were up to me, I would just order another pizza. Or, if we can't afford that, then we could go half on toppings or something. There's no reason you should have to give up mushrooms forever. In fact, I don't think either of us would want you to.

[The way he talks about an "unexpected twist" kind of makes him feel like Takasugi might be a little conflicted about this. He's reminded of the situation with Ariadne's Thread...]

You don't wanna give them up, either, do you?

[takasugi]

( takasugi's face crinkles slightly. there's a denial on the back of his tongue, a complaint because this analogy isn't as good as he was hoping it would be.

but it all dissolves in an instant the moment he drags his arms up to pull niki into an embrace, something that’s felt so much more natural lately. the weight of a decision he's made on his own hefts a little lighter on his chest when niki's heartbeat blooms against it, the heat spilling like the scent of fresh linens on a bright afternoon. takasugi nudges his face against niki's shoulder in order to bathe himself in it, this body that's so used to holding people that are older than him. this heart that shows warmth on the daily. )

I never wanted to give up mushrooms. Honestly, I don't know how I can live without them.

( the moment he let go will be there with him forever. he won't forget. he can't forget. )

It's a little more complicated than just not wanting to, or being allergic, though. Maybe I'm not explaining myself properly, because... I would work hard to be able to ditch my favorite topping for this other friend in a heartbeat. I already said I would. And when you can't have what you want and order another one, that's just how it is. It's a little painful, but I guess life has its share of little things that turn into a constant pressure over time. Whether you'd want me to or not, some things just have to be. You know... with toppings.

( it totally isn't about toppings and they both know it, but whatever. )

Squeeze me back a little bit. Then I'll forgive you properly for waking me up, too.

[hanabee]

[Oh... Takasugi's little demand, almost as if he'd die of embarrassment if Niki didn't do it, makes him smile. He wraps his arms around him easily and gives him a long, hard squeeze.]

Nahaha, you don't even have to ask. That's one of the best parts about being hugged, you know?

[Niki doesn't completely understand, of course, but he thinks he gets the idea of it. There's something inside that creation of his that reminds him of someone he loved. Takasugi had said he didn't like talking about the people from his life (for understandable reasons), so if it's someone that, even now, he doesn't know how to live without... It's safe to assume it's someone he loves.

With a hand, he strokes his back, his usual gentleness ever present. If there's nothing else he can do for him, he'll be glad that he can at least do this.]

It sounds like you've already made up your mind, but if you love mushrooms so much, I wish you wouldn't give them up so easily, even if it's for us.

[It sounds like it's really complicated. Maybe it's worth losing this thing if it means someone gains another. Or maybe it's more like, he feels like he'll be happier if he can finally let go of it? A constant pressure, he said, another friend...

Niki's only had the smallest glimpse of the life he lived. He can really only imagine the people he knew, the unfulfilled thoughts and desires. Maybe the most important question right now, then, is...]

If you can never have mushrooms again, would you regret it?

( 1 / 2 )

[takasugi]

I'm an embodiment of the memories and history of Takasugi Shinsaku, the dazzling star of Choshu.

It goes without saying that I might have a regret or two. Not for who I am and what I represent or anything, but.

( he exhales through the little squash of force, reciting the following into niki's shoulder softly. )

"This far in, what is there to say? The late cherry blossoms flutter away, carried by the winds of my hometown."

( 2 / 2 )

[takasugi]

... Alright. Enough with the metaphor that makes it sound like I'm about to devour Shouin-sensei. It's getting strange. Whose idea was it to do this again?

( freeze-frame, and then a dramatic pause. )

That's right. It was mine.

( pat-patting on niki's back himself now. )

Anyway, there's only so long I can dwell on this, especially when I've already made my mind. If what I'm thinking of doing succeeds, we have a solid shot at getting out of here, so count on your esteemed President to handle it.

[hanabee]

[Ah... He kind of figured it would turn out like that. He knew he was tiptoeing around an extremely sensitive subject, so his response makes sense, but still...

Niki's finger toys with his hair, long strands wrapping around his finger. He's not taking advantage of the situation, it's just... Rinne's hair has always been short, so Niki never gets to do this! That's all!]

Okay, okay, I get it. We don't have to talk about it anymore. I just think it's okay to be selfish, you know?

[This is usually the opposite of what people would say. Giving up what you love for the sake of others is noble... or something like that. Rinne was like that. HiMERU had been, too. Kohaku had always hated it. They were people whose lives meant little in the grand scheme of things, so it made sense, but...

Life isn't fair, so why should they have to play by the rules?]

If you want to keep your totally-not-mushrooms, then maybe we can find a way to do it. I'll help you. I'm not saying you have to, but it's something to think about. I'm sure someone with a big brain like yours can probably figure it out! But only if you want to.

I know you feel like it's your responsibility, but it wouldn't sit right with me if you gave up something you love to keep us safe. I think Rinne-kun wouldn't like that, either. Why should we have to give things up when no one else has to?

[Takasugi's already made up his mind, so maybe there's no point in saying all this. Maybe he won't give this further thought at all. Either way...

He gives him another squeeze.]

Whatever you decide to do, I'm here for you. We'll make it work. So, no stress, Prez, no stress~.

[takasugi]

( only in death would he not have to give these things up, but takasugi had found the resolve to put that behind him, or so he thinks. it's all too easy to imagine shouin-sensei scolding him sternly for being so hung up on this, where in the end, it really didn't matter. their history was buried beneath the earth somewhere, their accomplishments or lack thereof so inconsequential in another world. nevermind the things he couldn't fix, or the organization that threatened to control their every movement. he has more important things to worry about in the here and now.

in order to keep a promise, takasugi would find the hysterical want to follow him that still lurks beneath his skin and tear it out by force. )

Don't forget the time limit, Shiina-kun.

( you know. on hugs. the one that had nothing to do with niki and is more to keep takasugi from abusing his time with rinne.

he releases the hold, not at all concerned with the way niki had been playing with his hair. his little sisters would thread their hands through it so much, and... it feels kind of similar in this instance. his back presses against the cushion, a palm raising to gesture out in front of them and articulate on his next point. )

You never know. My next invention could blow up in the middle of the ocean and we go flailing through the air and straight into the cold.

( a beat. he's imagining. )

You know how to swim, right?

[hanabee]

No, no, there's no time limit on hugs.

[That's just common sense? He's not thinking about the rules at all! But despite Niki's "correction," he lets Takasugi go all the same, figuring he's probably gotten what he needed out of the embrace, at least for now. He settles in next to him, his back against the couch.]

There's no way that'll happen... Right? [You know, it makes sense that every invention can't be perfect the first time, but he really didn't want to think about these possibilities!] I mean, I can swim, but I kinda hope I don't have to, so please don't plan around that, alright?

[But, actually... On the subject of things that might or might not happen, Niki tilts his head.]

Hmm, but you know, if we go somewhere else, I wonder if our devices will still work. It'd kind of be a problem if we got separated or something.

[takasugi]

( yes, ... thank you for complying. he needs the excuse to clear his embarrassment over the comfort. )

I hadn't thought about that at all. ... Hmm. Maybe I should just tie you both to me for a bit with a rope.

( a swift slap on niki's upper shoulder. )

Despite your constant doubts about your own intelligence, you brought up a potential issue I hadn’t even considered just yet. Well done, Shiina-kun!

[hanabee]

R-really? [That's not the sort of reaction he expected at all, so Niki's actually a little flustered. He looks away.] I-It's nothing impressive... It's just easier for me to keep an eye on you guys that way, that's all.

[Even when he and Rinne tried to leave ES, they'd had their own phones to keep up with the news and everything. It's hard to imagine not having any sort of line of communication at all.]

I'm sure you would have thought of it eventually. I wasn't really worried or anything, though. With you around, I think everything will work out just fine.